I’ve spent much of my career interviewing experts. Doctors, dietitians, psychologists - I’ve picked hundreds of big brains on almost any topic you can think of when it comes to living a happy, healthy life. Great experts have a couple of things in common that make any journo’s job easy. First, they know their stuff. Not at a shallow, Instagram level, but deeply - spending much of their time absorbing themselves in the latest research. Second, they’ve taught themselves to communicate that knowledge in ways lay people can not just understand, but in ways that light us up, make us feel something or make us want to take some sort of action.
Dr Tim Sharp is one such (great) expert. In fact, he might be up there with the greatest I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing. I’ve gone ‘on the record’ with Tim a number of times over the years, but this interview was different. He was more open, more vulnerable and in some ways I suspect more himself than the ‘Dr Happy’ the public has come to love and trust via Tim’s extensive work in the media. In this interview, and his new book Lost & Found, he shares what it’s like to lose yourself and find yourself again - literally, figuratively and mentally.
I grew up feeling not worthy, not good enough, not intelligent enough. And my strategy to beat that was to achieve. So, I'll go and get a university degree. Oh, that's not enough. I'll get a Master's degree. Oh, that's not enough. I'll get a PhD. Oh, that's not enough. I'll write a book. That's not enough. I'll write seven books. It doesn't work. And this is a common, common mistake we make trying to fill up a hole with achievements where the hole’s not from lack of achievement.
Dr Tim Sharp
Before you tuck into this one, a couple of warnings for you. The first is a trigger warning, we discuss mental ill-health and suicidality or risk of suicide. I also need to drop a language warning here, we’re adults discussing adulty things and occasionally we get passionate on the language front. So why should you invest your precious time in this chat? Don’t take it from me, here’s a sneak peek…
And here’s the cheat sheet:
[03:30] The power of midlife and how Tim feels about aging, personally and professionally.
[05:45] “I didn’t even expect to be alive at this stage of my life.” - Tim lifts the lid on suicidality.
[08:50] From a clinical psych’s perspective, what should we be focusing on in midlife for a long, happy, healthy future?
[11:00] Do I stay or do I go? What kept Tim alive in his darkest moments and why we still have work to do when it comes to stigma around suicide and self harm.
[13:10] What if my children inherit my depression or anxiety? How fear almost stopped Tim from becoming a parent.
[14:45] “I’ve thought about harming myself, is that suicidality?” Tim breaks down the difference between strange/intrusive thoughts, passive and active suicidality.
[19:05] Pack away the cotton wool, how overprotecting kids causes more harm than good, and distraction and avoidance in the short term = problems long term.
[24:45] Learning to tolerate, embrace and even seek out failure because it sits alongside (and mixed in with) success.
[30:57] A dance between grace and gumption. Tim unpacks self compassion and reminds us that simple doesn’t mean easy.
[34:30] Three degrees and seven books later, Tim learns the hard way that the ‘hole’ can’t be filled with achievements (and we already have the antidote).
[41:03] I know family is most important, but I still have big dreams and only one life in which to go after them. How do I balance those competing objectives?
[47:00] Why, when Tim ‘should be at the peak of his career’ does he feel like he knows less than ever?
[53:15] Is our pursuit of excessive comfort to blame for our unhappiness? Asking for a friend…
Prefer to watch us chat? You can do that here 👇🏾
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If you need support, Lifeline is there 24/7 on 13 11 14 or you can call 13 YARN (13 92 76). Beyond Blue is available on 1300 224 636 and you can also access their online counselling service here.
Lastly, a reminder that Australia’s Griefline - free and confidential counselling and support to people experiencing grief and loss across Australia, inclusive of remote, regional, rural and metropolitan regions - is there for you on 1300 845 745 or here 24/7.
Connect with us:
⚡️ Follow Tim on IG here: https://www.instagram.com/thehappinessinstitute/
⚡️ Get Tim’s book Lost & Found here: https://amzn.asia/d/izqSPBE
⚡️ Follow Casey on Instagram: www.instagram.com/caseyberos/
⚡️ Find out more about Casey’s work: www.caseyberos.com
⚡️ Want more of Casey’s words? There are limited copies of The ‘Bad’ Girl’s Guide To Better out in the wild as well as Amazon and Audible, or hit this link for a signed copy sent straight to your door
⚡️ Missed an episode? Catch up here!
🎧 EP 1: CHANGE YOUR LIFE ONE HABIT AT A TIME with DR GINA CLEO
🎧 EP 2: WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT TRAUMA with NIKKI HEYDER
🎧 EP 3: HEALTH ADVICE TO SAVE YOUR LIFE with DR MICHELA SORENSEN
🎧 EP 4: THE POWER OF PERSPECTIVE with MICHAEL CROSSLAND
🎧 EP 5: LIFE AFTER LOSS with AMY MOLLOY
🎧 EP 6: BUILDING A LIFE BEYOND BOOZE with SARAH RUSBATCH
🎧 EP 7: BIOHACK YOUR WAY TO BETTER HEALTH with NICK ENGERER
🎧 EP 8: THE SECRET LIFE OF MONEY with MOLLY BENJAMIN
FEELING LOST? THIS IS FOR YOU with DR TIM SHARP